Dad

     My Parents divorced when I was two. I do remember my Mom packing up the house to move. I remember because my Mom got us McDonald's for dinner. Brooks' chicken nuggets weren't all the way cooked. It's crazy what we remember and what we never knew happened. My Father remarried to my Stepmother and they have been married ever since. My Dad worked at the Sheriff's Office and took on a couple extra jobs. We didn't get to see him much due to him working on the weekends. When he came home before it was bedtime, he would cuddle with us and we would lay with him on the couch and watch t.v. He made time to show us by his actions that he cared and loved us.

    My Mom re-married when I was six. We moved away. Every summer I went to Pensacola to see my Dad. I'll never forget the exit where my parents met halfway to drop us off/pick us up. Fort Deposit, Alabama. I HATE that BP gas station still to this day. Leaving the gas station was heartbreaking. I was leaving my Mom when I was going to my Dad's and I was leaving my Dad when I was going back with my Mom. It was absolutely devastating. My ex stepfather took part in my life and I soon called him "Dad". He coached my swim team, basketball team, and softball teams. He helped me with homework and kept us in church. I give thanks to him for keeping our family in church because later in life, I would become a born again Christian.

     Sadly, my Mother & Bill divorced after 4 years and we relocated back to Pensacola. I had to start life over again in the 5th grade. I felt like something was missing from my life. I was young, immature, and didn't understand things as well as I do now. I had yearned for a stronger relationship with my Dad. I didn't know what to do or how to obtain it.

     My Dad signed up to go overseas. His duty was to train the Afghan Police. Little did I know, this would be a life changing event. Because of EMAIL, I now have the relationship I have always yearned to have with my Father. He has always put a smile on my face and I always knew he cared. But now, my Father is my Hero. He truly is. I love my Mama to death. She has been there through thick and thin and has played the father figure many times. But now, I have a Mom and a DAD.

     It's crazy that at the age of 25, I now have the relationship I wanted my whole life. It's ironic that it took my Dad going to a place of war to build a relationship that now means the world to me. We emailed almost everyday. The Lord works in mysterious ways. and although the strong bond has recently occurred, I wouldn't change a thing.

    

Sweet Ada

     By the grace of God, there are a few things that keep my head held high and not giving up on life about my Grandmother's death. Yes, I still cry. Yes, I still ask why but, I continue to remember these things when I feel like I can't go on without her...

     First, I believe with ALL of my heart, (because I am a firm believer in Christ), that this Earth is not our home. Heaven is our home. I will never question or doubt this. God tells us this in His Word. We are meant to walk with Jesus for eternity in His beyond-imaginable Golden Palace. I know my Meme is enjoying every bit of it. She gets to dress up in gowns that she used to always wear. She gets to put on the prettiest of jewelry known to man. She gets to sing and dance with her own Mother and her Aunt Sarah and many more friends and family. She is FREE. Not a tear falls from her eye. This gives me peace.

     Secondly, I know that God took my Meme to Heaven because her purpose here on this earth was fulfilled. She had done her job that God planned for her to do. She touched so many peoples' lives and God blessed me, her family, and friends with her laugh, her beauty, her understanding, her love, and her strength that I admired so much. This gives me peace.

     Thirdly, I will see her beautiful face again. I can only hope that she is looking down on me proud of me and leaning over to Jesus saying, "You know, I taught her that." It brings a smile to my face to know she is walking alongside the I AM. She is one lucky lady. This brings me joy.

     Always remember, (as do I daily), that we are God's children. We belong to Him, and to His Home we will go when we pass away. I know I am a sinner, but I also know that I want to make my Father proud. I want him to look down and smile at what I've done, and what I am doing here on Earth. I make mistakes but at the same time, I want to glorify Him in every way possible. This is my duty on Earth. I'm not trying to preach to anyone reading this blog. I am simply typing, and in some way, I am preaching to myself. We are so loved by Christ and we are beautiful in His image. I don't want to let Him down. He is all that matters to me. Don't give up on life, for our Creator has big plans for us.

xoxo.

Sweet Madelynn

http://youtu.be/XL6vNFQ0x30

Maddy's 5th Birthday Party!

http://smilebox.com/playBlog/4d7a45774d5451774e6a453d0d0a&blogview=true

on my heart...

just some things i would like to say to some select people. maybe you're one of them?

1. i don't care if the baby wipes are "far away"... wipe your child when you're changing their diaper.
2. your wife looks like your granddaughter. oh yeah, f you.
3. she's been a bitch since you met her. it's about time.
4. don't say mean things when you are mad. you will end up losing friends.
5. i'm your only friend to go to? try reaching out to your bowling pals.
6. you talk so much gossip about other people but, heaven forbid they mention your name!
7. just tell the truth. i'm not going to slit my wrists over crap you have to say.
8. be a man. don't break hearts.
9. karma just kicked you in your ass.
10. you're on food stamps but you have a Coach purse and an Iphone? really....
11. got something to say, say it to my face. i won't punch you, i'll talk to you like a woman.
12. gosh, i wish you knew how good i would treat you if you were mine.
13. yeah, you DO need to give your child more positive re-enforcements.
14. look at what's in front of you...
15. how in God's name are you Atheist???? how do you live each day???
16. bless your little heart, sweetie.
17. you look like a fool.
18. you're stronger than you think. you got this.

xoxo. :)

thinking....

     I've heard different opinions on visiting gravesites and keeping flowers in their vases, etc. Because I am a firm believer in Christ and His Word, I do believe my loved ones are in Heaven. Yes, their bodies are buried but their souls are in Heaven. So, why do I keep my loved ones' graves pretty? I can't answer that because, it honestly doesn't make sense. That person isn't there. Several months before my "Meme" passed away, we were putting flowers on Her Mother's grave. She made me promise that I would keep her gravestone pretty when she passed. Of course I promised her I would. My Sister can barely go to the Cemetery. But for me, it's comforting. It's something I honestly cannot explain. I was once told by someone that they didn't understand why I was so into taking pictures of new flowers put in the vases and etc. I couldn't give her a good reason. She said it shouldn't matter because that person is in Heaven. Part of me wants to make sense of why I do what I do. Opinions?


xoxo.

Dusty Sanderson

DUSTY SANDERSON

     My Cousin, Dusty, is the lead singer of the local band, "Southern Drifters". He writes most of his songs, although he does some covers of famous Artists. He has dreams of making it far in the music industry. Singing and playing guitar are his life. When I go out to hear him sing, his songs make me THINK, and they inspire me. Here soon, he plans to pack up and head to Nashville, TN to make a name for himself. I am very proud of Dusty and the hard work he puts in to entertain fans, family, and friends. God blessed Dusty with a great singing voice and a talent for songwriting. I pray and hope his dreams will be full-filled. If you wanna hear him and the band, Southern Drifters, come to Chan's Nightclub this Saturday Night 3/31/12 at 9pm. It's a damn good time and I promise, you won't be disappointed.

xxox.

Damn Right .

Damn Right
(James Otto / Monty Powell)  *I changed up the lyrics a bit (i.e. He/She)*

You can always find me here
Raisin’ hell and drinkin’ beer
With all my good-time buddies
Cuttin’ up and havin’ fun
Yeah the jokes can be on me
And I don’t mind usually
I’m an easy-goin’, back-slappin’ son of a gun,
But he just left me
And that’s just left me undone
So you don’t want to push your luck girls, not tonight
Just don’t bring up his name one more time

If you think I’m in the mood to pick a fight
You’re damn right

He’s gone and I admit I was wrong
But I can’t quit
Thinkin’ about how good our love used to be
And the whiskey numbs the pain
But in the morning when I wake
I’ll be hungover hangin’ on to a memory
And I’ll order one more round
Lose the Coke and keep the Crown
And just drown my misery
And I’ll blind myself with liquor and neon lights
Alone and stoned out of my mind

If you think I’m flyin’ high as a kite
You’re damn right

Now I’m just tryin’ to make it through
But gettin’ over you is a long, long road
And I’m a strong woman, but it’s killin’ me
Lettin’ go
And I’d love to say it ain’t, but I can’t lie
Yeah pretend that I got somethin’ in my eyes

If you think I’m gonna break down and cry
You’re damn right

You’re damn right

Ventilation .

     I need to vent for a moment. (or several moments)... So, I took my niece to a park today. It is near Summitt Blvd and in a nice neighborhood as well. I sat down on the bench as she ran off to play on the playground. Well, I look closely at the pirate ship playground and there is a guy and a girl sitting there in front of the swirley (sp?) slide. At first I thought it was just a guy. I figured he just needed some time to think or something. Well then I noticed a female with him. Both of them had to of been 15 years old. The guy then lays down in the girl's lap. Keep in mind, my niece is seeing this. I was LIVID. I do not want my niece to see that type of behavior and think it is okay at her age. A PARK for kids is not a place to lay in your girlfriend's lap or have any PDA! Have you lost your ever loving mind? I wanted to say something so bad but I try to watch my behavior around my niece. Maddy and I love this park and I ended up saying "Let's GO!!!" Does anyone else think this is wrong? Find somewhere else to be affectionate!!!! Not in front of my 5 year old niece!!!!!!

I feel much better.
xox.

Her name is Ashton...

     The ocean is my sanctuary. Sunrises, sunsets, and rainbows remind me of the promises given to us from the Lord. My favorite color is green. Not lime green, forest green. I have green eyes. I am a Leo but, I don't believe in "astrology signs". Yet, I still read my horoscope from time to time just to see if it's accurate. I was born Catholic and baptized Catholic. I became Baptist when I was in the 2nd grade. I never had my First Communion, even though I was awfully close. My Granddaddy was a Deacon at St. Ann's Catholic Church. In my opinion, it is the most beautiful Church in Pensacola. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Personal Lord and Savior when I was 12 years old at Olive Baptist Church. I have never flown. I have been to 8 states. I am petrified of severe weather. A rainy day is great but not crazy thunder and lightning and definitely not wind. I really think something tragic happened to me as a young child because of my fear of bad weather. I still get knots in my stomach when a storm is brewing. I do not believe in taking a belt to a child due to things that happened to me when I was little. (My Mother nor Father has ever struck me with a belt just to clarify things, but someone else has). It makes me cringe when I see it. I also hate to see a child on a "leash". I am a sarcastic person. I've learned as I grow older, I become closer to my Parents. I realize/d they were/are right all along about things. I have only seen snow several times. I cannot live somewhere without a beach. Anyone who knows me knows I love to get sunburned. I barely ever wear sunscreen, only oil. My hair is super long and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am addicted to Teen Mom 2, (the one with Leah). I absolutely adore her. Weddings make me cry. Always. I am a jeans and t-shirt type of girl. I have to have my toes painted always. I am guilty of thinking that Zac Efron is the sexiest man alive along with Bradley Cooper. My favorite song is "Give in to Me" by Garrett Hedlund & Leighton Meester. I wish God had blessed me with a beautiful singing voice. I am a morning person but I quit drinking coffee about two years ago. Thanks to Disney movies, I am waiting for a Knight in shining armor who will fight for me. Deep down, I want a country boy who drives a truck and knows how to hunt and skin a buck. I would also like for a man to teach me how to fish. I love boating, even though I haven't done it in forever since my Dad sold his boat. I have one tattoo and I will be getting another one. Most of my days are spent taking care of two precious kids. I don't have big dreams for my life. Just to be HAPPY. Hopefully that involves a loving Husband, a family, and a place to call home. I would love to be a Mommy one day. Hopefully before I'm 30. I love naps. But, not when a stupid solicitor rings the doorbell and wakes me up. Or a Jehovah's Witness for that matter.

That's all for now.
XOXO.

Uppers & Downers .

     Well, I didn't get my dream job as a Crime Scene Technician at the ECSO. I was lucky enough to be chosen for an interview. Who was I kidding, I was going up against about 80 applicants. Some of which probably had experience, a degree, or answered the interview questions better than I did. But even still, in my heart, I knew I wasn't going to get it. It's not that I'm pessimistic...I'm just realistic. And I firmly believe that God has plans for me that may not involve the Sheriff's Office. IF I had gotten the job, I would have been on cloud nine. Literally. I have such a passion for CS and I don't know why. My Father used to be Head of Crime Scene and I would always want to go visit him and look at photos or read about cases. Never have I watched a CSI episode on TV, though. Wow, think of the amazing things that would have come out of me getting the job. WAY MORE MONEY which means MOVING into my own place...benefits...an awesome job that wouldn't make me want to throw my alarm clock at the wall every morning... and helping victims. The dead cannot speak for themselves. I won't give up on this dream of mine. I will continue to search the website for job openings and keep praying for an interview and possibly a chance at what I want to do as a career. In the meantime, I get paid to watch the most precious little boy ever born. I get to spend my days tickling a little boy and making him laugh so hard, and I get to watch him learn new things and say new words. I am not a Mother, but yet I have two carseats in my backseat. I am helping my Sister not have to pay for daycare and that is comforting in itself. I do not want my nephew in daycare. Yes, I'm being selfish. I want to watch him. I also get to take/pick Maddy up from school. I get to hear stories about what she did that day, what she learned, who ticked her off that day, and who wore what to school. I talk to her like a grown-up and I firmly believe that is why she speaks so well. We (my family) do not babytalk her. She is so smart and I cannot believe how amazingly blessed I am! What did I do to deserve such wonderful gifts from God??? All of my glory goes to Him. My Creator, my Strength, my Provider, my Friend, My Father, My EVERYTHING.




Good night.
XOXO,




Ashton




Quote for the night: "So your past might be a little dirty, but your future is SPOTLESS."

too lady-like ??

So, I want to make sure I'm like every other girl out there... When you meet someone new, or a person from your past comes into your life, do you immediately think in your head, "Oh gosh what if we start dating? How cool would that be? I hope he likes me and this turns into a relationship." I myself am guilty of this. I don't know if it's because I'm ready for a fairytale or because I'm just so tired of being single! I feel like I shouldn't think these thoughts when a new "Prospect" comes into my life but I can't stop it. Never would I let the guy know what I was thinking until he was ready to even have "that talk". I feel as though I have an old soul. My Mother always taught me that the guy should be a Gentleman, he should call first, he should opened doors for me etc... well these days, I feel as though things have changed. But, I am still stuck back in the 1930's it seems. Guys aren't like they used to be. Nowadays, women sometimes make the first move. I just feel like that is so wrong. I have NO GAME whatsoever and I am literally oblivious as to how you even "play the game". Personally, I don't like games. I'd rather people be upfront with me. I guess I need to snap out of it and take control like other ladies do.


Thoughts?

-Ashton